Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
if i died would you start the facebook group?
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Too much dab too little lung dying 😵😵😵
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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