His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
