...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
