that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
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