I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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