Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Randomize
