I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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