Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Randomize
