No stitches, just platelets and will power
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Randomize
