you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Randomize
