I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Randomize
