One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Can I color on your dick again?
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
