So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
