Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Randomize
