I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
