i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
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