I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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