I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Randomize
