Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
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