I need to stop coming to work sober
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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