Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
