Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
