Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
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