This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
