Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
