There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
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It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
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