i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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