sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Randomize
