we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Randomize
