Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
