First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
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