I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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