he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Randomize
