I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
