the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
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At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
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By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
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