literally had 100 drinks last night.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
