I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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