So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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