i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
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