omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
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