The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Randomize
