I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
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