i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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