My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
