I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
