wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
