I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
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