Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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