I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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