Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
