you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
