and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
