I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
