I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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