So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
