Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
