Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Randomize
