only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Randomize
