And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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