I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
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