You work out of a Hotel?
if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Randomize
