Pregnant stripper...not hot.
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
