Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize