super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
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