It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
