I wannas sexs uuuuu
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
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