Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
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