I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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