This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Randomize