I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
