I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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