Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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