Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
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