Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
