I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
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I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
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You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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