Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
