But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Randomize
