So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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