It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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